Just being real...

So I'm going to be balls out honest here. I'm in that edgy, irritable, not so fun part of pregnancy. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable, somewhat nervous and overall just not 'me'. It's not something I'm proud to admit. I wish I could say I was glowing and blooming and felt a surge of energy at this last hurdle of pregnancy; but I don't. I feel a little fed up and ready to be back to my own body. And yet, I know that once my little newborn is here and I'm in the postpartum period I'll be exhausted, and drained and not myself either. However, all of that seems more appealing than the state I'm in right now. And on top of it all, I am very aware of all that's ahead of me. Whether labor starts spontaneously in these next 2.5 weeks or I have to be induced, I know what it all entails. And yet there are still a lot of unknowns. Will I be ok? Will the baby be healthy? Who will we call to take care of Summer if it all happens in the middle of the night? It's all very anxiety producing.

My sleep is now getting more broken and uncomfortable too--perhaps mother nature's way of preparing us for sleepless nights while up breastfeeding our little ones? But, as my sister said a long time ago when she was pregnant, "I think mother nature could prepare me a whole lot better by getting some solid nights' sleep". Very true! My hips are hurting, so I toss and turn and readjust my million pillows around me about 52 times a night. I'm waking up with crazy pregnancy dreams--the one I had last night I dreamt my baby came out weighing 9lb 6oz! Let's hope I'm not going to give birth to that after my first was only 7lb 3oz! And then I woke with a gnawing hunger at 430 am and went downstairs to eat a banana. I haven't done anything like that since first trimester. So basically I'm all over the place.  

Every one of my friends who have been here before can relate. So when I text them that I'm in this stage they all say, "Ah yes, I remember it well. But you can do it! You're almost there." So, for those of you who are first timers, take heart. This too, shall pass. And you will look back on these days and nights and realize it's actually not so bad. It's hard work growing a life. It has to take its toll on you somehow. I suppose I should consider myself blessed that I have gotten to 37+ weeks relatively unscathed….and I do see an end in sight. It's just completely up in the air as to when that will be. Kinda exciting, kinda scary. But I'm embracing it and choosing to believe that everything will work out exactly how it's supposed to. And it will for you, too. Trust the process...

Be well,

LEW