Selflessness and Motherhood

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."  -Mahatma Gandhi

"...From the time we’re born, what is the highest compliment our culture can bestow upon women? She’s so selfless. Let’s think about that for a minute. The ultimate compliment for a woman is that you do not even have a self! Then we get to this age where we can’t find ourselves anymore and we wonder why."  -Glennon Doyle

Becoming a mother is most certainly one of the most selfless acts a human being can commit to.  We take an oath, as spiritual beings, to care for, nurture, teach, and love our children before they are born.  And perhaps, this happens before we (mothers) are even born.  
Sleepless nights, tantrums, code browns, boogers, and loss of pre-baby life, friendships, routine, and body are realities we all face.  And it is ok!  We accept it.  It comes with the territory.  It is a total bummer at times but our love for our little ones outweighs any materialistic or temporary discomfort or inconvenience that comes our way.  
I want to write about this topic because the topic of selflessness and motherhood comes up fairly often...in the media, in my personal, and in the lives of some of my friends.  Mahatma Gandhi is an inspiration.  He embodied compassion and provided, still provides, humanity with a belief system that inspires people to become more peaceful and compassionate.  However, at first glance, when I read his quote above I feel confusion and disappointment.  As a little girl, I noticed the imbalance between males and females.  I didn't like it and wanted to be male.  I wasn't interested in limitations or the things that the females in my life did.  Long story short, I was haunted by this my whole life and it wasn't until recently that I embraced being female.  And being female has nothing to do with limitations or even being selfless or losing myself.  
Yes, we all need to lose our egos.  And the best way to do this is by being of service to others.  But this doesn't mean we can, need to, or should be WITHOUT SELF.  We become mothers because we have been given a SELF.  And we need NOT lose it!  Remember the oath?!  We are responsible for being our best selves so that we can be the best mother to our children. 
I lost myself.  I thought I had to be selfless.  But I was wrong.  It is ok to have a self.  And I can see that.  I want my children to look at me and see a strong independent woman that knows what and who she stands for.  A woman that teaches her children to be strong, loving, of service, open-minded, hardworking, creative, independent, confident, and straight-up HAPPY!  I indulge in my passions and work because I hope to teach humility, success, failure, hard-work, interest, creative, integrity, and the list goes on. 
Mothers:  It is OK to have a SELF.  Balance is for the birds.  STAY PRESENT and maintain best intentions.  Try not to lose yourself.  Who am I kidding?  It happens.  Nonetheless, let go of guilt, BE YOU, DO YOU and love your children whole-heartedly.  You are responsible for them!  But you are also responsible for yourself.  And they will learn from you and love you for it.
Be well.  Be love.  Be of service but not selfless. 
MLC